Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
