There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
