question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Houston, we have a squirter
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
