She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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