sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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