My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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