Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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