There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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