the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
