My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
