I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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