That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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