I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
