This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
