Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
