the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
