Please, let me fuck your mom
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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