I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
