I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
