dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
