how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize