Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
