I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
