I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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