i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
