and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
