I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
