p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
