i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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