Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
