Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
even my farts smell like vagina
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
