sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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