And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
