I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
