For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
