any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
