this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize