I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
