OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
