I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
