people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
