I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
