I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
