i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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