Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
