): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize