he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize