i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
