Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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