just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
