So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
