he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
