smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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