fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
