worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
