I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
