I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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