rhymes with "ouble enetration"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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