i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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