u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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