Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
