how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
