Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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