Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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