I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
