Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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