too bad you live with your parents still
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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